Small victories

I really enjoy the moms' group that I attend twice a month.  I come home filled up and feeling more confident in myself.  I enjoy the fellowship with other moms, hearing their stories, and having the opportunity to get out of the house.  It's a small victory for me to get out of the house on my own with Scott.  I come home each time with more confidence and over time it will get easier.

Last week I took Kiana with me to my dentist appointment.  Kiana had wanted to come, and I wanted her to come for assistance and as a distraction from the nervous thoughts I had in my head about going somewhere new.  I ended up having to ask a stranger for assistance to the door because he had walked out of another office and was just standing there in my way on the sidewalk as if to make sure I was going to make it, but that only made me more nervous having him watch me.  I only got x-rays which disappointed Kiana because she wanted to see me get my teeth cleaned and have more time out with me.  So she asked if we could go somewhere else.  She suggested shave ice, which I had to say that we could only do if I could find parking right in front and if the line wasn't long.  She was so willing to offer her help and had all these suggestions on making it easier for me.  I suggested we just go to Longs and get an ice cream bar that way I  could hold onto a cart,but she really wanted shave ice.  I so badly wanted to do this with her but when we got there it was too busy and no good parking spots so we had to leave.  She was in tears.  It broke my heart. (We went home and got Tim and Scotty and went up to the convenience store and got them ice cream bars.)

My goal this year is to be able to walk unassisted in a parking lot by the time Kiana starts kindergarten.  My walking may never be the same prior to having children and I need to accept that, but I do know if I set my mind to getting better that I can tackle this.  I'm telling myself that its just a phase.  I think the most frustrating thing is meeting new people and them not knowing my confidence, independence, and abilities I had in my 20's (I want my children to see this in me.).  I feel as if others see me as weak.



I will be starting physical  therapy and counseling soon.