Forced to just do it on my own...

In college I decided I wanted to spend 5 months abroad through an exchange program in Australia. I mean, who wouldn’t want to spend 5 months in Australia? But I had other reasons I wanted to do this. I wanted to prove to myself that I was fully capable of traveling on my own. As scary as it was, and even right up to the last minute I questioned my abilities, I wanted to take myself out of my comfort zone and throw myself into total unknown. It was one of the best experiences of my life.

And that is what I did that Saturday in May when I decided to not call a friend or the Bible College students for help, that I would just care for Kiana all on my own.

Sometimes you just have to be forced to do something to realize that you can actually do it. That I had to push through my fears, ignore my fears, to make things happen. It’s fear that holds us back. It’s easy to call a friend and take advantage of the help that is available but that help isn’t going to be there forever and eventually you’ll just have to do it on your own.

I miss my family very much, but I know, if they were here, that I would not have come as far as I have in caring for Kiana. Kiana was born a week early and so those first 4 days before my parents arrived we were on our own. We were nervous at times,, but at the same time it came all so natural. And there have been many times where I wished, and that it would have been easier, to have been able to just call my mom for immediate help.

Because we live so far away from family support, it has made the bond between my husband and I so much stronger. We have to rely on each other so much more, we are on our own out here. We both come from strong, close-knit families in whom we are grateful for their prayers, love, and support. And yes, we have a wonderful church and a network of friends here, but when it comes down to it it’s just us three. Not only is the relationship between my husband and I much stronger but our relationship with Jesus is much stronger.

I have been forced to tackle my fears head on and because of it I have become much more confident in myself and my abilities.