Thursday, November 21, 2013

Preschooler's Comments

Yesterday while picking up Kiana from preschool, as we were walking away I overheard three boys wondering why I used a cane.  One boy said it was because I was old.  Another boy said it because I was injured.  And another said it was because I was too skinny, which I heard him say several times, as if he knew the answer.   Kiana didn't seem to hear, or if she did it didn't seem to phase her, but I wonder at what point she is going to wonder why I'm different, or if her classmates ask her  Another day I had a boy ask me why I only used the cane on the sidewalk but not on the grass.  Three and four year old children are so observant. 

Friday, September 6, 2013


I need to figure out a way to get Scott in and out of the car on my own.


Kiana is now in preschool and loves it. 

I volunteered to take home the Practical Life dishes and trays every Friday to wash and bring back Monday (1 dishwasher  load). Tim picks up Kiana after school and Mondays he has off, so I figured he could pick up and return the box of dishes for me.  Well, last Friday I had forgotten that Monday was a holiday and that I would have to return the dishes myself on Tuesday when I dropped off Kiana.  Once I realized that, I started to get anxiety over how I was going to do that, and actually lost sleep worrying about it Friday night.  But then I came up with an idea, I would put all of the clean dishes into a suitcase and roll it to the classroom from the parking lot (the class room is set back a little way from the parking lot).  As I was taking the dishes out of the dish washer Kiana saw me and offered to help and told me what  they were used for.  She didn't want me to take the glass dishes out of the dishwasher because she said that I might break them, that she would do it carefully.  :)  After they were loaded she wanted to wheel the suitcase down the hall, so I asked her if she could wheel it to her classroom.  So Tuesday, I took the suitcase out of the car and she pulled it along the sidewalk and up the path to her class.  I carried her lunchbox and followed behind. She was so cute, up ahead of me, with her backpack on and pulling a big suitcase.  It was no problem for her.  I was so proud of her, thankful for her, and amazed with her willingness to help and her independence.  She walked up to the teacher at the gate and said, "here's the dishes."  I explained that the suitcase was the easiest way for me and that Tim would pick up the suitcase at the end of the day.  I also volunteered to wash the place mats and wash cloths every evening for the month of September. Kiana carries the laundry basket to her class every morning. 

8 months - Crawling

Scott started crawling this week.  Time for me to pull out the knee pads so I can crawl after him. 

Thursday, July 4, 2013


I love having Scott's booster seat on the walker.  Now I can wheel him all over the house.  It makes things a lot easier for me.  He likes it too.  (And so does his sister.)

Monday, May 13, 2013

Diaper changes, etc. at 4 months

Kiana didn't believe me the other day when I told her that I was going to change Scott's diaper when she asked why I had a diaper.  She also wondered how I got Scott from his play mat on the floor to the couch.  She wondered these things because she has always seen other people do these for me.  But now that Scott is more sturdy I am able to care for him on my own for short periods of time.  It is especially helpful when Kiana is around because he loves to watch her and is easily entertained by her.  I am able to carry Scott from the couch after nursing him to his play mat, or visa versa, while on my knees.  I can change his diaper on his play mat, and am able to hold him up in a seated position if he gets tired of laying down.  We are just confined to one room which makes it difficult after too long.  Scott is also a very "chill" baby, very calm, content, and quiet, which makes caring for him so much easier. 


I am sure several years from now I will look back on all of this and wonder why I ever worried.

My dad had to go home last week after being here for 4 months.  My husband also started a new job last week.  It has been a week of adjustment. 
My good friend offered to help me with Scott during the week.  I found someone, or at least I had thought, to help me on Saturdays.  But this morning I found myself scrambling to find help for this coming weekend.  I was in tears.  I have asked friends to help this weekend, giving me more time to find someone for the weekend.  Being without someone to help makes me panic, and brings me right back to what I went through with Kiana several times when she was Scott's age.

Kiana asked me yesterday morning, "who is coming to help you with Scott today?"  aawww.  She liked the lady who helped us on Saturday.  Thankfully I was able to tell her that daddy would be home.  Hopefully my husband's schedule will change (once again) soon and he will no longer be working on the weekends, and we won't have all these different people and friends coming and going.

Thursday, March 21, 2013


Life with Scott added to our family has been wonderful; a true blessing and gift.  He is now 10 weeks old and weighs twice his birth weight and has grown several inches.  A very happy, healthy, easy-going boy.  

My mom was here for the first 7 weeks to help.  I did not figure out assistance with caring for Scott within that time so my dad extended his stay for another 6 weeks.  I am so grateful for their willingness and ability to stay for so long to help    

My parents were here not just to see their new grandchild but to help me with his physical care.  I am not physically able to care for a baby on my own due to my disability until he is able to crawl or walk, with Kiana it was at 7 months.  So, until that time, and while my husband is at work I need someone in my home with me.  The things I can do for Scott is love him, talk and sing to him, nurse him, try to calm him until someone else can pick him up if he is crying, and tell others what I think he needs.  But I need assistance in bathing him, clothing him, changing diapers (although I have changed a few but I have to do it either on the bed or on the floor), carrying him, putting him on my lap to nurse, etc.  Now that Scott is a little more “solid” and stronger I am able to pick him up off of my lap after nursing him and burp him.  But since I do not have the balance to carry him I have to stay on the couch until someone removes him from my lap.  When Scott wakes up at night my husband gets up to change his diaper and then puts him in bed with me to nurse.  After Scott has fallen back to sleep I wake my husband up again to move Scott to his crib.  

My dad is here for another 2 weeks.  Since I do not qualify for in-home care or services through the State,  I recently contacted Hawaii Centers for Independent Living (HCIL) to inquire how they might be able to help me.  I had a 2 ½ hour intake appointment with a woman here in my home and I ended that appointment with a feeling of hope.  HCIL is a non-profit organization that advocates for people with disabilities and believes that we have the right to live independently.  They provide several programs and services.  She is going to help me look for someone to come into my home to help me with Scott and for funding to help pay for the assistant.  Again, I am hopeful and thankful for her help.  I wish I had known about HCIL when Kiana was born.  

Infancy is the most challenging for me but I am learning to enjoy and appreciate every moment because they grow up so fast.

Scott sitting on my lap and smiling at his sister

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Kiana - 3 years, Scott - 2 months

Update to come soon...

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Welcome Scott! Born January 5, 2013

Birth Story - 37 weeks pregnant

I am in the minority of women that have rh negative blood type.  It’s not such of a issue during the first pregnancy, but if the first  baby has positive blood type and some of baby’s blood got mixed with my blood during delivery then my blood would see that blood type as a foreigner and start to produce antibodies against that positive blood.  Which is why I got the rhogam shot within 72 hours after having Kiana and at 28 weeks pregnant, to prevent that.  But after the rhogam shot with this pregnancy my antibody levels kept rising, so the doctors wanted me to get an ultrasound, at 37 weeks pregnant,  with a specialist to make sure baby wasn’t becoming anemic.  

The ultrasound took a while.  First a tech did the ultrasound and then the doctor did it too. The technical/medical part of it I don't understand.  Then the doctor took us into his office to discuss the results.  I still hadn't gotten an indication that they found anything.  The doctor compared both his results and the tech's results (they did a Doppler ultrasound to look at the blood flow in the baby to check for anemia) to a chart and explained (although I really couldn't follow all that he was saying) that baby could be borderline anemic. His results were lower than the tech's.  What concerned him, and with discussing with my doctors prior to my appointment, was that my antibody levels kept going up.  Prior to my rhogam shot at 28 weeks my antibody levels were at 1, then after the rhogam shot they went up to 8, then 3 weeks later 16.  Rhogam is supposed to make the antibody levels go down, not up.  This meant that my negative blood was producing antibodies against baby, although we had no way to know what baby's blood type was at this point but most likely positive since both Tim and Kiana have positive blood.  The antibodies could cause anemia in baby.  The doctor was concerned that if I waited another week or two to go into labor that my antibody levels would continue to go up putting the baby even more at risk.  Severe anemia could cause heart failure and/or require a blood transfusion.

Since I was already full-term the doctor thought it would be best to induce me.  To admit me upstairs right then and have the baby.  He just wanted to be safe.   That's when my head started spinning.  We didn't expect that.  From that point on it was a whirlwind and I felt completely unorganized.   We asked the doctor if we could be alone a minute to talk.  Ultimately it was our decision.  We prayed, we cried, we talked.  I wasn't actually worried about baby.  I was more worried about how long we might have to be there, worried about Kiana, not knowing if our friends or the baby-sitter could watch Kiana for how-ever long.  I just had so many questions spinning around in my head. And the thing was was that we had NO CELL PHONE RECEPTION to make calls before we made a decision.  Everything was just happening so fast.  But in the end we knew it would be best to have the baby then.

We told the doctor that yes, we would go ahead and stay, but that we had to make some phone calls first.  He said I could do that from the labor and delivery unit and they wheeled me upstairs, got me in a room, and in a gown.  The nurse came in and started asking me all of these questions, while Tim was trying to get a hold of our friends who were watching Kiana for the day.  I also wanted to call the babysitter to ask if she would be available to watch Kiana for the weekend if our friends could not.  I also needed to call my mom to see if she could change her airline  ticket  a.s.a.p. to watch Kiana since we had no clue how long we might be in the hospital.   While we were making the calls we kept getting interrupted by the nurse to take vitals, blood, hook me up to the monitors, etc, etc, and then the doctor came in. I finally just said "Stop! Wait! Can we have a minute?! We feel really rushed into this and we need to make some phone calls."  So the doctor left and we were able to make some phone calls.  I was also concerned about Tim getting dinner before we started all of this.  Tim went down to the cafeteria before it closed. After Tim came back the doctor came back in to talk about induction and to check my cervix to see what type of drug they would use for the induction.  I was already 3cm dilated and thinned out and having small contractions. ( I guess those braxten hick contractions I was having on New Years did something.)  The doctor said all I would need was pitocin for the induction.  Before they started me on pitocin he wanted me to eat dinner first.  By this time it was 7pm.

I don't remember what time I was started on pitocin, maybe 9pm.  I opted for no epidural and just to see how it went pain-wise.  There was a pull-out bed in the room for Tim and he fell asleep after a while.  I couldn't sleep because the bed was uncomfortable and I was uncomfortable with the IV in me, my blood pressure being taken every 30 minutes, and monitors around my belly.  Once I started feeling the contractions I then had to pee every 1/2 hr, which I had to wake Tim to do so.  The contractions started getting uncomfortable maybe around 12:30am, but I was still o.k.  I don't know the time frame but I know at a point things started happening pretty fast. I'm guessing maybe after 1am the contractions were closer together and I had to start breathing through them. The nurse checked my cervix and I was still only at 3 cm.  I decided I needed something for the pain.  If I was still only at a 3 then who knows how long it would be.  I considered an epidural but decided to try the painkiller phentenol first.  The nurse said that it would just take the "edge off" and make me dizzy.  I don't know if it really did much.  Within 20 minutes of giving it to me I suddenly felt the need to push and so I called the nurse in and she checked my cervix and I was suddenly dilated to 9 cm.  It was time.  The doctor, the resident, and nurse were there, and the NICU team came in too in case something was wrong with baby.  I had 7 people in my room.  I only pushed a few pushes, definitely not as long as I did with Kiana, until he came out.  At one point the doctor told me to just do half pushes so he didn't come too fast (yeah right lady).

He was born stable and healthy at 2:47am (5-6 hrs after being induced) so the doctor put him right on me.  He didn't cry for long before he latched on and started nursing.  They had him stay on me for an hour before they took to weigh and measure him.  He weighed 7lbs 11oz, and 19.25in long.

Because my placenta didn't come out when I had Kiana and I hemorrhaged, after Scott was born I kept asking the doctor if my placenta had come out yet.  I had informed every doctor and nurse that had come into my room that night about my placenta not coming out when I gave birth with Kiana because I wanted them to be prepared and not wait too long.  But with Scott it came out.  My recovery was a lot quicker and easier than it was with Kiana.  I didn't need an episiotomy and didn't tear, and I didn't lose too much blood or require a blood transfusion, as I did with Kiana.

We were told that we probably wouldn't get to go home until Monday. Scott was stable and was able to stay in my room the entire time. Later that day they took blood from him to check for anemia, etc.  Everything was normal.  And his jaundice levels were very low.  Early Sunday morning we were told that we would be able to go home that afternoon.

Everything worked out and we are so thankful and feel so blessed.