Just a "typical mom" blog post

Home alone with Kiana today.  Just had to put her in her crib to cry it out (I don't like doing that and have only ever done that 2 other times.  Tim and I don't believe in letting her cry it out.  I always lay down with her until she falls asleep.  But she won't go down for a nap today and I need a break.  But if she's screaming and crying in there for more than 5 minutes I will go get her.)

I read this yesterday 7 Discipline Mistakes All Mom's Make (http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/7-discipline-mistakes-all-moms-make-2509433/ ).  Here's an excerpt: 

We're too negative.

"Don't hit your sister!" "Stop pulling the dog's tail!" The number of things you tell your toddler or preschooler not to do is endless.

THE FIX Ask for the behavior you want to see. Nobody wants to raise a child who doesn't understand limits, but "parents say 'no' so frequently that kids become deaf to it -- and the word loses its power," Dr. Borba explains. Moreover, "we often tell kids not to do something without letting them know what they should be doing," notes Linda Sonna, Ph.D., author of The Everything Toddler Book. So save the naysaying for truly dangerous situations (think: fork in the electrical socket or your child eating the spider plant), and focus on telling kids how you would like them to behave. For example, instead of, "No standing in the bathtub!" try, "We sit down in the bathtub because it's slippery." Later, when you notice your kid splashing away in a seated position, offer some praise ("I like how you're sitting!") to reinforce her good behavior.

Before she reached the toddler stage I thought I could do this, that I wouldn't be one of those mom's who said "no" all the time.  But, (ha!) now I'm thinking is this even possible?   Yes, maybe Tim and I could cut down on the "no's" (I think we started doing it without even realizing it), but turning a no around into something more positive sure does take a lot more work, a lot more thought, and a lot more words.  I tried this today.   I do pick my battles and let her get away with stuff that's really no big deal, but some days I feel like I'm saying no all of the time.

Today I got to the point where I started throwing away toys.  She has this little cheapy plastic duck (looks like a Happy Meal toy) that she started scraping on the wall.  I asked her to stop, that we don't scrap anything along the walls (she's made marks before so we have a rule that nothing touches the walls; that it is not ok to color or make marks on the walls.).  I told her that the toy is to be played with on the floor and if she scraped the wall again I would throw it away.  (I had taken it away from her a few days ago for the same reason and she found it again today so this time it was getting thrown out!)  So that is what I did, after having to chase her around the living room to get it.  That brought tears. 

Last week I bought those magic Crayola no mess markers that only show up on special coloring book paper so that I wouldn't always have to supervise her every time she wants to color; a coloring book I could just leave out for her to get to on her own.  Well, the past few days I've caught her sucking on the tips or putting it on like lipstick.  Yes, I know it's non-toxic but I still don't want it in her mouth.  If I allow her to put them in her mouth what is going to stop her from putting a Sharpie in her mouth if she finds one of those in the house?  So I told her that if she did that again I would throw it away.  It went in the trash!  

It's hard at this age because she's still kind of too young to understand.    I think I need to find a mom's group or socialize with more moms so I can talk about this stuff and get ideas.  This is all so foreign to me and I know this is all normal toddler behavior, but I'd like to know that I'm not the only mom ready to pull my hair out.  How do mothers of 3 or 4 or 5 do it? (Or does it get easier with 2?  Anyone with more than 2 under the age of 5, or a single-mom is a "super-mom" in my book.)  Some people must have amazing patience!  Or maybe they let their kids run wild?  Or maybe they are yelling and screaming all the time?  Or maybe their kid is in front of the t.v. all day?  Some days are exhausting.

And the thing is, I believe I was blessed with a pretty easy child.  Most friends that baby-sit her are amazed by her.  The morning went very smoothly.  She doesn't need constant attention, she plays quietly and contently on her own while I'm preparing meals and cleaning up.  She's a very happy girl.  Very pleasant and sweet. Not high maintenance.   It's mainly in the afternoons, when we are both tired, that I notice her testing her boundaries more.

Anyway, Kiana is now asleep. Didn't take long. 

btw:  I got out of changing a poopy diaper today because she went in the toilet.  yay!

*** And yes, I did notice that the title of the article contained the word ALL. 

The Toddler Years

I don’t know how I am going to survive.  I thought I was a very patient person but I’m discovering that having a toddler takes more patience than I might have... and definitely way more energy than I have.  Some days I feel like either breaking down in tears or screaming,

Kiana is 20 months and is getting to the age where she is testing her boundaries, climbing on everything, getting into everything, not listening, and throwing tantrums.  I read up on toddler discipline: to be consistent, to pick your battles, to be patient, to stick to your guns.  But soon, if not already, she’s going to discover that mom can’t catch her and I’m afraid she’s going to take advantage of that.  

I’m not sure how I am going to approach this.  It’s not like I can just easily pick her up and remove her from the situation or room  Or if she gets ahold of something she’s not supposed to have, I can’t just chase her around the house (fyi: dangerous things are far from reach or in locked drawers).  Or what about time-outs?  How am I supposed to get her to the time-out chair?  I’ve considered doing what all mom’s do, counting one-two-three, but then I wonder what can I physically do once I get to three?   That is going to be ineffective because she’s going to learn that I can’t do anything once I get to three because I can’t pick her up or I can’t catch her.

This is going to be frustrating for me.  Sometimes after I’ve taken her off of the counter top or table three times in a row I feel like just giving up (I have to sit in a chair to remove her because I don’t have the balance to remove her while standing), but letting her on the counter top to get into things she’s not supposed to is not only dangerous but also inconsistent when I tell her no the first three times.  

Any other physically disabled mothers have any pointers for me?  What worked for you?

Fell down

The other day Kiana and I were out sweeping the garage when I fell down.  It wasn't a bad fall but Kiana ran over to me so fast, grabbed my hand, said "help, help", and tried to help me up.  She then hugged my legs and kissed my knee.  I assured her that I was o.k. and thanked her for the help.  It was so sweet. 

Questions? Comments?

The reason why I haven’t posted in awhile is because I don’t know what to write about. Things have been going pretty smoothly and I haven’t faced any new challenges in awhile. I know I have some new readers who are new mothers and I was wondering if any of you had any questions for me, comments, or suggest a topic for me to write about.

Potty Training

I haven’t officially started potty training Kiana although she has shown an interest in using the potty for about 5 months now. I will put her on when she asks or if I ask her and she says yes, but I haven’t gotten serious about potty training her. Lately though she has started pulling off her own diaper so I think it’s time to start. I just don’t know how I’m going to go about doing this. My idea is to let go without a diaper, but the problem with that is that I’m unable to pick her up and race her to the nearest potty at the first sign of having to go (I have a potty chair for any room in the house and potty seats on both toilets). I recently bought Pull-Ups and my other idea is to just put her on the potty every hour and see if she goes, and praise her when she does.

I’m not into rushing this, but does anyone have any suggestions for what worked for them?

A couple of weeks ago my husband, daughter, and I were walking out of Starbucks and there was an older gentleman sitting at a table outside. As I walked by I heard him say “cerebral palsy?” I turned and said “yes”. He then said that he had 5 year old twin granddaughters and that one of them had cerebral palsy. I asked him how she was doing and he said very well. He then asked me if I found that it was hard to make friends? I kind of shrugged and said I guess so, but that I had my group of close friends growing up and that I did not feel like I was lacking. He also asked if my husband and I grew up together, to which I replied that no, we met in college. We did not chat for long but I hope that I was some encouragement to him seeing that I was married and had a daughter.

Awhile back I was in a Bible Study and a woman was sharing her story about raising a child with a disability. She broke down in tears when she told us the story of them recently getting a puppy. She said that her son said to her that now he had a friend. She trusted in God to lead him, and trusted God in what ever her son’s future would hold, but (normally) she wondered if he would ever lead a normal life, ever be able to live on his own, ever get married, etc. I approached her after the study to say to her that as a disabled person myself that her son is probably stronger than she thinks and that he is so blessed to be raised in a Christian home with parents that pray for him every day. She was grateful for my comments.

It wasn’t until after hearing this woman’s story, did it even cross my mind that maybe my parents had thoughts like this when I was growing up. Now maybe I should confirm this with my mom before writing this post, but it makes me kind-of sad to think that they would have wondered these same questions... because I never wondered these questions about myself.

My parents bought me a car for college graduation. My mom shared with me later that they felt like they just left me with this car wondering if I would ever be able to actually drive it. The reason they bought the car is because I told them that I would need it to find a job and for transportation. I guess I just figured I would learn how to drive. I did have my driver’s license but when you get your driver’s license in a small town with no stop lights, no traffic, and a two lane highway, well... it doesn’t really give you any experience for driving in a city, parking in parking lots, changing lanes, getting on the freeway, etc. But that summer, with the help of friends, I learned. My mom also admitted to me once that she also had wondered if I would be able to live on my own and cook for myself, but that she also knew there were options like in-home care and pre-packaged meals that could make life easier. Turned out, I didn’t need either.

It also wasn’t until I had a child of my own did questions about my own child’s future pop into my head... and she’s not disabled. But I don’t dwell on these. I pray, and trust in God that she is in His hands. So I can only imagine the questions about my future my parents might have had.

I hope this post is an encouragement to a mother out there raising a disabled child. I don’t remember ever feeling pity for myself wondering if I would ever be able to live on my own, find a job, get married, have children. Yes I experienced flat out discrimination when looking for a job, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me and eventually I found employers that saw past my disability. I am strong, stubborn, and determined to accomplish those things I set my mind on...and patient. If you can not change your circumstances at that time, you can always change your attitude toward your circumstances. A dream I had growing up was that I would get married and have a family, but also in the back of my mind part of me knew that might not be a reality. But I chose not to dwell on that. I chose to remain positive, because feeling sorry for yourself doesn’t get you anywhere in life.

Um, I have kind of gotten off track, and I don’t know where I’m going with this so I think it would be best if I just stop now and say goodnight.

March 10

Well... it happened. The thing I knew I would never be able to do. The thing I tried not to think about because it saddened me the most. My baby fell asleep in the car and I was not able to carry her into the house.

Kiana fell asleep in the 3 minutes it takes to drive home from the baby-sitters. She was so peaceful. So sound asleep. But I had to wake her and make her walk into the house on her own. And it made me sad. She didn’t seem to mind, didn’t seem to be affected by it. She fussed a little when I pulled her out of the carseat, but then she walked/stumbled into the house half asleep, asked for milk, and then cuddled with me on the bed.

I don’t know why not being able to carry a sleeping baby or child in from the car is so upsetting to me, because she’s never going tro know the difference. But I guess it’s because I remember my parents carrying me in from the car and placing me in my bed after I had fallen asleep on the car ride home. A few years ago I watched the movie “Things We Lost in the Fire” and the only reason that movie was memorable to me is because there was a scene where the father carried his sleeping child in from the car and I remember thinking that I would never be able to do that.

If the stroller had been easily accessible today I would have tried to lay her in it and wheel her in the house. But, it wasn’t. Oh, well. I’m going to end this post. Kiana got her nap today and was unfazed by being woken up in the car. It was just a sad moment for me.