Happy New Year!

It has been awhile since I have posted. Sorry about that. Life has been a whirlwind of activity the past 2 months and it has only continued into the new year, but I resolve to write more often.

One major change in our life is that we moved. You may be asking, what does moving have to do with raising a child as a mother with a disability? Well, a lot actually. I’ve moved several times thus far in my adult life and it’s always a challenge for me to adjust to a new environment.

The challenges I face, just to name a few, when moving into a new place (as you can tell by now I like organized lists):
1. the feel of the floor under my feet affects my balance.
2. getting used to a new floor plan (specifically the kitchen and dining area) and moving about and doing tasks in the most efficient way without expending unnecessary energy. For example, getting an item out of the refrigerator, oven, or microwave and having somewhere to place it quickly before I drop it. Then preparing a meal and getting it to the table in as little trips as possible but without dropping anything on the way or losing my balance.
3. getting into/out of and balancing in a new bathtub/shower. Not all bathtubs are alike to a physically disabled person. There’s the height and width of the tub, the position of the toilet in relation to the tub, the slipperiness of the bottom of the tub.
4. the slope of the driveway and the ease of getting into the house, especially with bags of groceries.

And then add caring for a child in a new home to all of that.. It really does take me awhile to get used to and to feel comfortable living in a new environment. But I must say that I love our new home and I have plans to write an entire post just about the kitchen at some point.

Childcare

I don’t think anyone enjoys trying to find childcare for their child. It really is a pain. But here I am, once again, trying to find childcare. *sigh* And... once again, it’s urgent.

Reasons why it has become a challenge:
1. finding someone with space available for her age
2. finding someone to watch her part-time
3. finding someone to watch her as early as 6:45am
4. AND, what makes this even more complicated, is that I am not able to get her into the car to take her. So...

We have to work around my husband’s schedule so he can drop her off in the mornings on his way to work. I think I would be able to pick her up from childcare, after I get off work (I only work part-time), if the provider is able to put her in the car for me because I can take her out of the car once I pull into the garage. The frustrating thing is is that my husbands schedule varies from week to week and is never consistent, which makes giving a childcare provider a schedule impossible.

Of course, then there is the obvious fear, and one that brings me to tears, is the thought of dropping Kiana off with a complete stranger to trust to care for her as I would.

Ideally I would prefer Kiana to only be in childcare 3 days a week. This would reduce the cost of childcare and, most importantly, Kiana would be home with us. In a perfect world I would be a stay-at-home mom. I think IF we have another child, I will stay home because the cost of putting 2 in childcare is ridiculous.

Bath time

I starting bathing Kiana on my own once she was able to sit-up. That is when we moved her baby bathtub from the kitchen counter to the bathtub. Then when she started standing in the baby bathtub I decided it was time to ditch the baby bathtub (7 months) and bathe her in the regular bathtub.

Now she wants to stand and walk around in the bath so I find it easier if I just get in the bath with her. My husband still has to lift her in and out of the bathtub for me.

My Husband...

Is the most amazing, wonderful man. He is an awesome husband and daddy. I could not do this without him.

Tim has amazing patience and is so humble and self-less. He does so much in caring for Kiana, probably way more than a typical full-time working husband. He changes diapers, feeds her, gives her baths, trims her nails, dresses her, gets up in the middle of the night when she wakes up. He does so much to help me with her.

I believe Kiana and Tim will have a special bond as she grows up. He loves his daughter and me very much. I am very grateful for him and I love him.

Crib and Pack n Play

Before we bought a crib I did a little research on ones that had been adapted for people with disabilities. I found one where the front rails were hinged so you could swing open the front thus easier access to the mattress, but it was like $800 and there was no way I was going to spend that much money on a crib that she was only going to use for less than 2 years. I also looked into bassinets and co-sleepers, thinking one of those might be easier to get her in and out of, but she was only going to outgrow those anyway and would still need a crib. So we just bought a regular crib with a drop-side. Someone else was just always going to have to get her in and out. (Although, from 1-3 months she slept in a swing every night because she liked the rocking motion and would sleep better..)

Once Kiana falls asleep on my lap my husband has to move her to the crib, but from the time she started standing I’ve been able to lift her out. I place a chair next to the crib, drop the side down, and lift her up over the side and onto my lap. From there I can get down off the chair and onto my knees to carry her, although now that she is walking I just put her down on the floor. Sitting in the chair helps for balance and so I can be level with the crib.

Getting Kiana in and out of the Pack n Play was a little easier. The Pack n Play was in the living room and I used it for when I needed to do some chores or take a shower. I would put a chair next to it, sit on the chair, ask Kiana to “help mama”, pick her up onto my lap, and then lift her over into the Pack n Play. To get her out I would sit on the chair, she would stand up, lift up her arms, and I would lift her up into my lap and then onto the floor.

During nap time, when I am home alone with her, she sleeps on pillows or a cushion on the floor. I have to keep a close eye on her because she tends to wake up very quietly and start walking around the room not quite awake yet.

Walkers

The first walker I got while I was pregnant. I thought that the extra weight and expanding belly would throw me off balance. Turns out I never needed it. Actually I had better balance during my pregnancy than I do now.

The second walker I bought was a Rollator. The kind with 4 wheels, brakes, and a seat. I strapped a booster seat to it and as soon as Kiana could sit up on her own (4 months) I used this to transport her around. This works great. The booster seat has a tray so it also serves as her high chair for meal time.

Unfortunately our place has a step up to the hallway that leads back to the bedroom so I’m never able to wheel her back to the bedroom to do things back there, but that doesn’t matter. I mainly just use it as a high chair, but since it is on wheels it is way better. I wheel it onto the carpet in the living room area so that I can kneel down on the floor to lift her into it. After mealtime I wheel her over to the sink, give her some Cheerios or a toy or book, while I do the dishes and clean up. When she was younger I would attach a mobile to the handles of the walker.

I must say though, I am blessed with an amazingly content, happy, independent child. Just yesterday she sat in there for over an hour without a fuss while I did dishes, cleaned the kitchen, and vacuumed the front room. She played with toys, read a book, jabbered away, while I wheeled her on and off the carpet and out of the way to vacuum, etc. She also loves to watch me vacuum and mop. Every time she just seems so interested.

The walker also helps to keep her in one place while washing her face, brushing her teeth, or changing her shirt.

"Help Mama"

At six months, or maybe earlier, I started teaching Kiana that she needs to “help mama”.

When she is in the crib, in order for me to easily lift her out, she needs to stand up and lift up her arms for me. Same goes for when getting her up into the high chair. I say “help mama” with the hope that she will stand up facing me (I am kneeling on the floor) and lift her arms so that I can lift her up into the high chair. I praise her and she claps her hands (so cute!).

I use “help mama” when lifting her onto the couch into my lap to nurse. Although, now she’s able to crawl up onto the couch on her own and position herself on my lap. As soon as she learned to crawl, if she wanted to nurse, I would go sit on the couch, say “come to mama” and she learned to crawl over to me thus “helping mama”. It saved me from picking her up and carrying her over to the couch. I also use “help mama” in other situations, like dressing her, or any other physically challenging task.

Of course, “help mama” does not always work, but I still want her to hear the phrase and learn its meaning. If she really does not want up in her high chair then I’ll just wait a little bit and try again.

Babies are adaptable and they adapt to their parent’s disability. Kiana and I work together to help each other.