Last week I took Kiana with me to my dentist appointment.  Kiana had wanted to come, and I wanted her to come for assistance and as a distraction from the nervous thoughts I had in my head about going somewhere new.  I ended up having to ask a stranger for assistance to the door because he had walked out of another office and was just standing there in my way on the sidewalk as if to make sure I was going to make it, but that only made me more nervous having him watch me.  I only got x-rays which disappointed Kiana because she wanted to see me get my teeth cleaned and have more time out with me.  So she asked if we could go somewhere else.  She suggested shave ice, which I had to say that we could only do if I could find parking right in front and if the line wasn't long.  She was so willing to offer her help and had all these suggestions on making it easier for me.  I suggested we just go to Longs and get an ice cream bar that way I  could hold onto a cart,but she really wanted shave ice.  I so badly wanted to do this with her but when we got there it was too busy and no good parking spots so we had to leave.  She was in tears.  It broke my heart. (We went home and got Tim and Scotty and went up to the convenience store and got them ice cream bars.)

My goal this year is to be able to walk unassisted in a parking lot by the time Kiana starts kindergarten.  My walking may never be the same prior to having children and I need to accept that, but I do know if I set my mind to getting better that I can tackle this.  I'm telling myself that its just a phase.  I think the most frustrating thing is meeting new people and them not knowing my confidence, independence, and abilities I had in my 20's (I want my children to see this in me.).  I feel as if others see me as weak.



I will be starting physical  therapy and counseling soon. 

Taco night

Last night at dinner I spilled a spoonful of taco meat into my drink trying to make myself a taco.   Kiana looked at me and said, "mom, why didn't you ask for help?"  Then she came over to my side of the table, took one look at my glass, said "gross", and removed my glass from the table and took it to the sink.  Tim was at the stove frying up more tortillas, took one look at the glass,  and said, "what the heck?"  Kiana replied, "mom made a mess."  She came back to the table and made me a taco with all of the toppings.  She's 5. 

This incident made me laugh. I laughed at myself, I laughed at my husband's reaction, and I smiled at how sweet my daughter is.  I know a few of my close friends would have laughed too had they been at the table. Those ones who are comfortable enough with my disability to know how to react. To be able to laugh about it and say "gross", rather than get concerned, or feel sorry, or want to "fix it", and knowing they won't hurt my feelings by doing so.

Sunday

This is not a typical blog post of mine, but I hope it will make some of you smile. 

I was fully intending on relaxing while everyone was out today, but as I was putting away some of Kiana's artwork in the bin under her bed, I noticed there was a pile of goldfish crackers under her bed, cat hair, gum wrappers, and who knows what else... so I decided to pull out her bed and vacuum.  Well, that led to washing her wall (as best as I could) because it was filthy, then I ended up vacuuming the rest of her room and closet, which I had to clean out first, then I decided that I may as well do under Scott's bed too which was disgusting as well.

I have a pile of paperwork and mail I need to go through, and fill out some forms, but first I am going to watch t.v.  Oh, but first I have to clean all of the crumbs off and out from under the arms of the recliner chair.   Yesterday I found a day old piece of greasy cheese on the play kitchen set.  gross! (Some of you may ask why I even allow my children to eat anywhere other than the kitchen.  I ask myself that same question.  I pick my battles I guess.  And it all depends on the snack.)  

Being home

I love being home with Scott every day.  I feel so much more relaxed, than I did when I was working.  I have less stress, more patience, more time to give to my family.  I love being here for my children, watching them grow and change, every little milestone.  Seeing all that brings so much joy to my heart.

Being home is a little more physically wearing on my body;.  I have noticed that I am on my feet more now.  I recently had to buy shoes/sandals with better support to wear in the house because my feet started hurting and aching.   I've also noticed that I'm getting carpal tunnel like symptoms, my hands fall asleep at night, probably from preparing more meals, lifting Scott, etc.  I should probably find time to exercise and stretch.

Starting a New Chapter in Life

I recently took a total leap of faith and resigned from my job to stay home with my son.  It's something I had always wanted to do since my daughter was born.  When my children were infants I didn't really have a choice, I had to have someone else help me to care for them, and in order to pay that person I worked part-time. But now I am able to care for Scott on my own.

I am learning how to be a home-maker/stay-at-home mom.  I'm not a cook or a crafty mom, but we have a good time.  We spend our days playing, listening to worship music, eating, napping, doing chores, reading books, etc.   We keep busy and I am loving it.

Besides going to pick up Kiana every day from pre-school, we don't get out much, which so far hasn't bothered me.   I'm a homebody. We've had friends over for playdates or we go over to friend's for playdates. I just need their assistance in getting Scott out of the car and into their house. I am considering joining a mom's group at church and asking for assistance in getting Scott out of the car and into the building.  Kiana and I get out more on our own, once my husband gets home, to the store or to run errands.  She’s so wonderful to shop with and helpful.  I will park next to the cart return and she will get out, get me a cart, and pull it right up to my door so I can hold onto it.  She also puts the cart away for me.  She helps get items off the shelf, and unloads the cart.  She loves going to the store with just mommy.  Once Scott is older, and can follow directions better, him and I will be able to get out more.  He's already learning to be a helper like his sister. 

I am so thankful and amazed at how things are working out, and blessed to be able to be home with my children during these early years. 

Knee Pads

I was happy to get new knee pads yesterday.  Knee pads are part of my daily wardrobe at home because I do so much on my knees.  Playing with Scott, picking him up, carrying him short distances, cleaning up the floor after his meals, changing diapers, lifting him into his seat on the walker or into the stroller, etc. is all done on my knees.   It's important for me to take care of my knees.

New Challenge - Car Seat

Getting Scott in and out of the car and car seat is a huge challenge for me.  Not impossible though.  My husband's work schedule changed so I now have to pick up my daughter from preschool in the afternoons.  My babysitter leaves at 2pm, so I have to take Scott with me to pick her up at 3pm.  We only live 5 minutes from her school, but I allow myself 15-20 minutes. 

This is how I get Scott in the car:  I bring his stroller into the house, put him into his stroller and wheel him out to the garage.  I open the car door opposite his car seat, I move Kiana's booster seat out of the way, then I sit down on the back seat.  I pull the stroller right up to me, unbuckle him, and lift him into my lap.  Then I swing my legs into the car, scoot over closer to Scott's car seat and lift him into it and buckle him up.  Buckling him isn't very difficult, just takes some time; for the most part he is pretty helpful in putting his arms through the straps.  Getting him out is the reverse process.  This sounds like a fairly straight forward process, but there are days that Scott doesn't want to get into his stroller or his car seat and arches his back in protest.  I am also a mentally anxious person so even before I start I anticipate in my mind that it's going to be one-of-those-day that he doesn't want to get into his seat, and then I stress that I'm going to be late (Which really?  What is the big deal if I am late?).  I just end up putting more pressure on myself, making the process more difficult.  It's do-able and I will do what I need to to make this work, even if it takes me 40 minutes.

Thank goodness one of her teachers walk Kiana out to the car because it would be so difficult for me if I had to repeat the process of getting him in and out in the parking lot at the school.