We
have always wanted to be a family of 4. Yes, there are some days when I
questioned this but we really wanted a second. When family and friends
have asked if we wanted another and we’ve said yes we have gotten mixed
reactions: “you know the 2nd is always the hardest”; “Kiana’s so easy,
your 2nd is going to be the opposite”; “will you adopt?”; “you know 2
children are so much more work” etc., etc. Yes, it will be more
work. Even though I’ve already had one and know what to expect this
time I still feel clueless as to how I’m going to do it. How I’m going
to care for a newborn? How I’m going to handle two? But once again, I
feel peace. Peace knowing God is there, God will help me, God has it
under control, and God will not give me more than I can’t handle. And
the thing is... children grow up, become independent. I just have to
make it through the first year. That is when I need the most help. And
what’s a year? What’s 7 years? By the age of, say 7, they can do most
things their-self, they are in school, and they are way more
independent than the toddler years. It’s not like they stay babies or
toddlers forever. I just have to make it through the most physically
challenging years for me.
I
had a normal pregnancy with Kiana so I’m not concerned about that
either. Even non-disabled woman have difficult first pregnancies yet still
decided to have 2 or 3 more, but mine wasn’t difficult. I enjoyed being
pregnant. It was such an awesome experience. Although, I must admit
that going through pregnancy this time around isn’t as exciting as it
was the first time simply because it was such a new experience the first
time. This time around, although I realize all pregnancies can be
different, I feel like “been there, done that”. That’s not to say
though that I’m not equally as excited about a baby. I’m overjoyed to
be pregnant and have a baby on the way. I’m just saying that the
physical aspect of being pregnant is no longer a new experience.
Our
life is crazy this year and we may be nuts for deciding to get pregnant
in the midst of it, but then I remind myself, it’s just this year, and
that Baby will be born next year when our life will be a little more
“normal”... hopefully. And if we waited for the “perfect” time to have a
child, we’d be waiting forever. I’m not getting any younger!! We also
wanted Kiana and Baby to be close in age. This pregnancy is one thing
in my life right now I feel at peace with and don't have any anxiety
over. Actually, I haven't felt any anxiety about anything since I found
out. I swear pregnancy hormones give you a feeling of euphoria.
